Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Tragic Miracles

It's 4am

I fell asleep on the couch watching The Following.

It is my spring break.

It is March 25th.

It is not a sad day but instead the day I experienced the most tragic miracle of my life.

It is the day I get to celebrate the miracle of life at the same time I reflect on a moment that would change the course of my little family's life forever.

It is a very strange combination.

As I sit on my couch typing, Makenzie's water has run out and I can hear a faint deeee dooo deee dooo coming from her feeding pump in the room where I should be in a deep slumber. Seven years ago I didn't even know what a feeding pump was let alone have one.

Seven years ago I didn't look around my house and see wheelchairs, a stander, a talker, and braces. Seven years ago the term SPED was for kids I knew nothing about, and the doctor was for the flu and strep throat. Home health care? DME? IEP? IDEA? ADA? Yeah..... didn't know about those either.

However, seven year ago this afternoon..... all of that would change. In less then 12 hours I would find myself next to my little girl barley hanging onto life in a helicopter over the city I have lived all of my life. I would settle into a little blue chair listening to the deeee doooo deee dooo of several machines that has become an all familiar song in my life. I would cry, I would scream, and for a short while I would sleep with the hope that when I awoke all of my pain could be chalked up to one really vivid nightmare.

Seven years ago every member of my family experienced a tragic miracle that would alter the course of our lives forever.

While life has not been easy over the last seven years I can honestly say I am happier than I have ever been. I am exhausted and overwhelmed too but non the less happy. Some days the guilt of how one moment in time has effected my boys is unbearable and others the knowledge of what this has taught them and who they have become despite it all is breathtaking. Some days Makenzie's progress seems agonizingly insufficient and others I can't believe how far she has come. It is a rollercoaster, I will not lie, but it is amazing to be able to look back in the face of so much heartache and see so much good in God's plan and provisions for this little family.

So today Makenzie is not going to school and instead we are going to head to one of her favorite places..... the aquarium. We are going to look at fish, turtles, sharks, and eels. We are going to touch things and eat ice cream. I am going to tell her how proud I am of her and how much I love her over and over all day.

I am going to try for one day to let go of the anger I have towards the school and their inability to see who Makenzie is despite her physical limitations. I will try but most likely this day will bring on snarky comments about how amazing my daughter is and how blind they all are. It will bring on thoughts and memories of just how hard I have fought for my little girl, how hard Makenzie has fought and just how pissed it makes me that they limit her and treat her as less. On this day, they will not get to be in Makenzie's presence because they are not worthy of celebrating her amazing recovery and what it has taken on so many different levels to get to this place.

On this day I am so thankful for all of you. For the support and prayers you have so generously given to our family. I have met so many wonderful people on this journey. We are so blessed by each and every one of you! Today I will be thanking God over and over for placing you into our lives. Thank You!

Today is a good day because seven years ago my daughter LIVED!!! NOW IT IS TIME TO CELEBRATE!!!!


Believe..... Prayer Works!


Timothy Courtemanche said...

My thoughts and prayers continue for you, Makenzie and your family.

It is so sad how little respect our education system has for special needs children.

I hope your aquarium trip was the best ever!

God is good, all the time!

Smithsholidayroad said...

I am new to your blog and have loved reading about your amazing daughter. Thankyou for sharing so much of your life and hope you had a great day at the aquarium xx bron

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