Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Phenol

"I have laid my daughter on an operating table and kissed her as she feel asleep. I have handed her to doctors too many times. I have learned more than I ever thought I could. I have cried more than I ever thought possible and celebrated victories that I never would have thought of. I have walked a road I never knew existed. I will walk this road forever. I am a special needs mom." ~ Unknown
Tomorrow Makenzie goes in to get Phenol injections. These injections will help relax a couple groups of muscles in her legs and the hope is that this will relieve some of the pull on her hips. 
I hate these appointments. In order to inject the Phenol Makenzie will need to be put under for about 15 minutes. I HATE it..... did I say that already?
Today I walked around in a serious funk. The hospital called to reminded me of the dreaded appointment which didn't help. Many tell me it is not a big deal..... I envy that nonchalant attitude because no matter how much I tell myself it isn't ..... it still is. 
This time around it seemed to be worse. I could not figure out why though. Tonight I figured it out.......
Makenzie is walking. However, no one can really say for sure what part of her tone she is using and if once we loosen her aductors and hamstrings if she will be able to walk. 
At 8:30pm tonight I put her in her walker instead of in her bed and she marched all over the house. She giggled and smiled. I chased her and she walked faster. I turned her around a million times and enjoyed every moment. Then the tears came. I am trying really hard to trust that God will not allow this to take away Makenzie's new found independence but it is so hard. As I watched her step reciprocally, one foot after the other so perfectly, I kept thinking what if this is the last time for a while I get to see this. 

When I finally laid Makenzie down to bed I put my hand on her head and began to pray. I started with protection during the procedure, moved onto the healing of her hips and then it hit like a rock falling off of a cliff 100 ft high..... I could not stop the tears. Makenzie looked at me with much concern as I sobbed while telling my Heavenly Father loosing the ability to see Makenzie grow in her independence would CRUSH me!
This special mommy thing is so dang hard sometimes! I just want the best for my daughter but making decisions with so many unknowns for your child is so stinking impossible sometimes. 

On the flip side these injections could make walking so much easier for Makenzie! God is good! 
Please pray first for protection during this procedure. Then pray that Makenzie will pick up right where she left off in her walker! Thank you so much!!! I don't know what I would do without all of you!!!!!

Believe... Prayer Works!

2 comments:

Reagan Leigh said...

Makenzie is such a darling! I can't look at her picture without smiling! I understand your fears about these shots. Reagan had botox injections but they actually didn't seem to do a thing for her. Reagan's tone was out of control when she was having seizures nonstop. Once her seizures were controlled, her tone went down greatly. That's both good and bad. We have video of her from 2yrs ago, taking steps in a walker. Now, she doesn't want to put any weight on her legs whatsoever. We stand her up and she's got jello legs. So she lost that ability but now that she can bend her legs so easily, it has helped her to roll. So she lost one thing and gained another.

Jara said...

Prayers have been sent up from my family!

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