Thursday, January 20, 2011

Grand Plans!

At the end of this year I will have been a mother for 14 years! When I say that out loud it feels like such a dream! I remember holding my son all cuddled up in his blankets, staring into his teeny tiny beautiful blue eyes, thinking about the rest of his life. In the moment I could not imagine him being 14 years old, getting ready to go to high school, having a job, driving a car, and ready to enter high school. To be honest I failed to envision most of the events that would take place in the last 14 years.

I having been thinking a lot lately about the hopes and dreams I had so many years ago around raising my kids. There are so many things I saw my family doing. Then there are days that the reality of the last almost 4 years sinks in. Sometimes I feel there is so much I have missed in the chaos of taking care of Makenzie. There are so many things we haven't done or can't do. I would not change one single thing about the chaos but time is not on my side these days!

Soon my boys will be talking about college and girlfriends. They will want to sleep until noon and I will be totally uncool! In the next several years the overbearing expenses of a modified van and a new house will not be optional anymore.

This is not a pity party because poor me got stuck with the short straw. My life has been crazy, sad, painful but oh so beautiful. I am not sitting here crying on my keyboard. Actually it is just the opposite.

This year Makenzie is in such a good place. I want to do a few therapies with her to keep her in this good place.  However, this year I have decided that at least one of the dreams I have for my little family is going to happen. I am going to make it happen.It is going to be GRAND!

At the same time it is hard because funding it will take. Funding it will take away from stuff I could do with Makenzie and things that Makenzie needs. I have sat and mulled over it, prayed over it, and talked to a seasoned mom who has raised some amazing now adults. This mom happens to be someone who loves Makenzie and the boys very much. This mom also knows my daughters needs very well. She knows all of the many large expenses our family will need in the near future but after much discussion the decision on this dream is still "go for it, memories and time together are so very important." Time is short.

So as my kids get older and the pressures of big change blanket us, we are going to embrace surrender and make memories which will live in the hearts of my children forever. It will be a big surprise!

Believe... Prayer Works!


Shauna Quintero said...

Oooh! I can't wait to find out where you guys are going!

Oatie - IWillSkate on Ice said...

I Know what you mean, sometimes at the keyboard it sounds like you wanting pity but your not, your just explaining, the keyboard takes the tone out... My eldest is 7 I have a 5 year old and Oatie is 3, I too feel like the things I wanted to do with them has changed either can't do because of Oatie, or timewise... I love Oatie he is obe of the most amazing people I've met, and our family is beautiful just the way it is too, different than expected but still beautiful. I can't wait ho hear the surprise, but I agree with your friend, sometimes you just have to do it. Xxx

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