Thursday, September 23, 2010


Another day in paradise.

Another day of tears at school.

Another day of disappointments.

Another day of battles.

I feel like this whole week was spent in emotional turmoil. It was a roller coater ride of irritation, satisfaction, anger, relief, exhaustion, and small steps forward.

It seems to me like there was so much drama this week. Everything just came to a head at school. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and this week it did.

I am trying really hard to stay positive but every time I walk in there I feel like I need a shield and sword. I feel like little ole me is fighting a giant. I don't want to fight. I just Makenzie to be treated like the adorable little girl that she is instead of some kind of politic.

It seems to me like everything Makenzie is red tape. She goes to school and her education is dictated by a bunch of paper work called an IEP. She has all kinds of specialist that see her at school and their time with her is also dictated by a stack of paperwork. When she goes out to the playground and what she plays is dictated by safety policy and if I hear the word reasonable one more time I think I am going to puke.The preferred phase would be "we will do WHAT EVER it takes!"

Makenzie is not red tape, she is not a stack of papers, she is not policy and reasonable is not a word we use around here. She is Makenzie, the most beautiful, smiley, precious, pink, princess, around.

Today I was told it was a safety hazard for Makenzie to walk across the bridge to get to the slide on the playground. As I stood there watching Makenzie at recess I sawnher sit in her chair while everyone else jumped rope and ran around playing. I lost it.... again. Now to clarify, Makenzie was not being ignored at all. Kids were talking to her while they jumped rope and her aide was there  but she did not get a turn. She did not get out of her chair. She did not play.

So I walked over and took her out of her chair and we played. We went down the slide. We walked. Makenzie laughed and this mommy felt better. I spent the rest of the class time sitting in the park thinking, venting, and just being pissed.

I picked Makenzie up. We went home and ate lunch and then headed back to the school with my army to meet once again with the principle.

The meeting went ok. I feel like he wants to work hard to make sure Makenzie gets what she needs. I know that the team of teachers do as well. This school is a good place for Makenzie. Now it is all a matter of pulling it together. Cutting the red tape and fixing the stack of paper work. I am not sure I am ready to trust. I am not sure I believe this will work. Reasonable is still not a word I like but I will compromise my phrase to say "what ever it takes... with in reason.."  I know I am being unfair by laying the baggage we packed up over the last two years at other schools, on this team. The current team  had nothing to do with the train wreck that we like to  call preschool.

I will keep trying. My efforts do not replace my feelings, my passion, or my expectations. It just means I am not giving up yet.It means that I love my daughter and will continue fighting for her even though I am tired of fighting.

It means I am dropping Makenzie off on Monday after the details of the conversation between the ILC teacher, the aide, and the principle are communicated to me. Not sure if this dropping off thing will last 15 Min's or 2 hours... we shall see.

Please pray for Makenzie's education.

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing

Sleep tight Princess! Mommy will take all the worries away.... no matter what it takes!

Believe... Prayer Works!


My Blog said...

I just wanted to say I found your blog through another blog I read and I can't get over how beautiful Makenzie is. Seriously, her smile melts my heart. I know life is hard sometimes but you seem like an amazingly strong woman. Keep your head up! You are doing a great job. We are rooting for little Makenzie! She is most definitely NOT a stack of paperwork!!

Ericalynn said...

you are amazing. I am so sorry that you and Makenzie have to go through that. She should be able to play and it is sad that she is being kept from that. Makenzie is so beautiful and precious and you are such a good mom!

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