Thursday, September 9, 2010

Melt Down

"You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again."

(Psalm 71:20-21, NLT)

I am sitting here tonight looking at my white screen. I am not sure what to write. It has been a long day. Not bad.... just long.

There are days when I hit the wall. When I am so tired, overwhelmed, frustrated, and irratated that I can't see straight.  I feel like the sky is falling and nothing is right. Today was one of those days. 

Today I felt jaded by all of the responsibility raising a child with special needs brings. Jaded that I am doing it alone.  Jaded that I can't just pick up and leave the kids with grandma and go on a girls weekend to Vegas or out to lunch for that matter.  Jaded that I have no time for me. Jaded that my boys have had to go thru all of this. Jaded this all happened to Makenzie.  This is not how my life is supposed to be!

After all of the rum drum of today Makenzie and I headed up stairs to get ready for bed. I sat Makenzie down in her chair and she began her nightly temper tantrum, Makenzie loves the bath but she HATES mommy's shower before the bath.

As I stepped into the shower Makenzie started the pouty lip. Then she moved onto breath holding followed by wailing. I started singing Splish Splash to her in the silliest voice I could muster at the top of my lungs. Makenzie looked at me and gave me a huge smile and started belly laughing. I continued singing and she continued laughing,  

I stood there looking into her big blue eyes and everything just melted away. This is hard but if Makenzie can be so strong and happy how can I be so upset? Why am I letting all of the unfairness of life get under my skin? Yes this is all unfair but that is just life.  This is something I have been telling my children forever but it is still something I need to be reminded of sometimes!

I will melt down again. It is inevitable but it will be short lived and I am looking forward to what ever craziness tomorrow brings!

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; he leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."

(Psalm 23, NKJ)


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