Thursday, September 30, 2010

In Rest, I Find Peace and Hope!

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We are making baby steps at school. When I took Makenzie to school this morning she had the hick ups. So I stayed for a bit. I watched. I listened. I am happier. I just love to see Makenzie with her teacher. She is so attentive and knows how to relate. Her smile when she is talking to Makenzie is priceless.

Today as I was watching Makenzie and a small group of her friends sit at the table together I swelled with pride. Makenzie was present. She participated. She pointed and touched on command. She gets it. All of the battles were well worth it. The battles that are to come will be worth it. Oh and did I mention that Makenzie's teacher is amazing.

I still feel horrible that this amazing teacher is some how caught in the middle of Makenzie's integration and the district. I really hope she can understand that none of this has been about her because well.... she is amazing. Ok I feel better now.

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In other news.... it has now been 3 days since I have heard one single fight between the boys worth talking about at my house. This is wonderful. For the first time tonight, in as long as I can remember I had the energy and the time to follow through from start to finish when my son tried to push me to give into something he wanted but had already been told no to. Tonight I had time to sit and laugh with my boys. There was no pile of laundry, no dishes, no crumbs on the floor, no dinner to be made or cleaned up. There was nothing but time.

The last 3 years have been hard on me. I am a strong woman. I would walk on water for all of my kids.I love them so much.... but there is only one of me and this one is tired.

I have spent the last 3 days since our nanny started trying to find a balance. Trying to make the most of my time. Trying to spend extra QUALITY time with my boys but also taking some time for me. Yeah me.... crazy concept! I am pushing back feelings of guilt for not taking care of all of this myself. I am worth it. My kids are worth it. I did not loose.... I am winning. There is peace and energy coming back into my home.

I feel hope for all of us. The last 3 years have been hard on not only me but on all of my kids too! This is a new beginning and it feels really, really good!

Believe... Prayer Works!


Reagan Leigh said...

I love, love, love that pic of all of you! So cute! I'm so glad that you finally have some help! It's a lot of stress to have a special needs child, but then to do it all yourself as well as taking care of three other about a handful! Relax and don't feel guilty about it. You deserve it.i

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