Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Life Lessons

I have seriously been neglecting my camera. Not cool I know.  I am sorry.

Part of the problem is that my keyboard on my computer is broken so getting the pictures onto the blog requires both the iPad and the computer. I found an app that will do both  but I haven't perfected that either. Oh well.

I spent most of today in deep thought and prayer. Reality is HARD. Children dying is hard. A Princess that you know in real life,  meeting Jesus, is even harder.

Every time my daughter coughed, or refluxed, I went to a bad place. The sense of security over how well Makenzie has been doing is gone. Real is scary. Real is REALLY scary and I don't like it.

Today I kept praying that God would give me peace, give Heather peace and protect my girl... and my boys for that matter. I want to say that I whole heartidly trust God's plan but as the human I am, the thought of God's plan involving life without any of my kids makes me want to puke.

I could post some peachy happy post about how great life is....  and really life is VERY good. Makenzie is doing so well but when hard things in life show up it shakes your soul. 

 A friend and I where talking this afternoon. We got to talking about how much in our lives changed after our children suffered brain injuries. So much more then the loss of who our children where and would become. This stuff is so much more far reaching then just "the accident". Some for the better and some really hard.

When Makenzie had her accident I lost my best friend. We had kids the same age. We were pregnant together, we did first birthdays, talked about breastfeeding, potty training, we did play groups and gymnastics together with put kids.

While Makenzie was in the hospital my best friend and a couple other woman picked me up from the hospital to get me out. On the way she told my other friend that she couldn't handle it. I really never spoke to her after that night because she ran away. The fact that bad things happen was something she couldn't accept. It hurt but I have found friendship in many more that can stare reality in the face and stand strong.

It is hard to face the reality that that life is short and unpredictible. Some of us can stand in that reality and be strong for the people in our lives and some run away. I am not running anywhere. It is not a choice for me.

This is a big life lesson for me. This is a lesson in love, strength, trust, compassion, peace, and continued hope. This is a lesson in softening a heart that has become calloused from all of the heartache, tragedy and pain in the last 3 years.

"Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you!" (Hebrews 10:35, NLT)

Dear Lord,

How we thank you for the great confidence we can have in you no matter what happens! At those times when our vision becomes clouded by trials and our faith may seem to falter, Lord we ask that you would open our eyes so that we can see you clearly. We know you are at work in our lives and in Heather and Bart's's lives to bring about good things, but the daily struggles can sometimes distract us from that truth. Therefore we ask that you would remind us of the wonderful ways you have worked on our behalf in the past-even things we may have long since forgotten. Lord, we pray that as we reflect on how faithful you have been to us in days gone by, that our confidence and faith for days ahead would be renewed. We thank you that you have reminded us through this verse that having confidence in you brings us great rewards.

In Jesus' Name
Believe... Prayer Works! 


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