Sunday, November 8, 2009

Grief

The below paragraph is the summary of a article written by Ken Moses, Ph.D. called The Impact of Childhood Disability: The Parent's Struggle. The link to the full article is also below.

It was very good as most of it was about the stages of Grief and how society misunderstands that having a child with special needs is an ongoing grief process. Not only have I seen this first hand but I have seen many of my friends go through the same types of misunderstanding. So many "get over it" comments, or maybe "its been 2 years! When are you going to move on?" or how about " why are you so down. Having a pity party isn't going to help." If you have a child with special need.... READ THIS! If you don't but you know some one that does or even if you don't.... READ THIS!


http://www.cdlsusa.org/publications/the-impact-of-childhood-disability.html

"The parent of an impaired child separates from dreams that were shattered by impairment through grieving. Denial, anxiety, fear, depression, guilt, and anger all emerge. If they are shared with other people, these feelings help parents grow and benefit from what might be the worst tragedy of their lives. Grief must be shared deeply and fully until the underlying issues are revealed. The reopening of these issues changes the parent's world view. New perceptions of themselves and their world serve as a solid foundation for coping with the disability and for personal growth. Yielding to the grieving process helps parents find the inner strength and external support needed to face profound loss; to mobilize and focus the energies needed to change their lives; to reattach to new dreams and loves in spite of feeling abandoned and vulnerable; to redefine their criteria for competence, capability, value, and potency; to reassess their sense of significance, responsibility, and impact upon the world around them; and to develop new beliefs about the universal justice system that makes the world a tolerable place to live, even though terrible losses can occur. The culturally rejected feeling states of denial, anxiety, fear, depression, guilt, and anger may be used in surprisingly positive ways when the feelings are fully shared. Perhaps you can see now why I think that experiencing and sharing the pain is the solution, not the problem. Through my life I have experienced many losses. For many years I dealt with these losses by stifling feelings, workaholism, toughing-it-out, and innumerable other ways that kept me from experiencing what had happened to me. I became one of the "walking wounded" that I was committed to helping. Ironically, it was not until I myself had a child with impairments that I began to take the advice that I had so freely given to other parents. I started to yield to the natural and necessary process of grieving. Like everyone else, I discovered that only now am I growing with the impact of the loss. I will continue to grieve and to grow as my child and I develop and experience new losses and new strengths"

Makenzie was somewhat tight and jumpy today. I am not sure why but it may have had something to do with the whole family being at lunch! There was a lot of us, we were out of the comfort of her home and I don't think Makenzie is not feeling 100% yet and was just a bit overwhelmed! Despite that we did have a great time and I so enjoyed today!

My little princess went to bed without protest at 6pm and is sleeping really well which is great! Pray that she wakes up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day!!!

Believe!

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