Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A Day Like Today

Today was a long day! Makenzie did ok!

Makenzie did not go to bed last night until almost 10:30pm. I was up until 2am! Why you may ask? I need Pam time. I NEED some time with out being called mommy, being hung on, listening to the boys fight (oh summer is great), driving here and there, making meals and formula, dosing meds, cleaning,and the list goes on and on. So "my time" was delayed by 4.5 hours.

Then the sun rose WAY to early this morning and well inevitably.. I was still tired! My fault, yes I know!

Nothing good ever comes out of being tired and today was proof! I was in a funk all day! I was frustrated with Makenzie! Frustrated with the boys and nothing got done! When I got in my truck to take the boys to the skate park and it died half way down the driveway and would not start... yes my truck is out of order...I stood cursing it in disbelief!

It is days like today that I feel so tired of my life! It is days like today that I just look at my daughter and want to tell her to GET UP! Days like today that I feel sorry for myself. It's a good thing that days like today don't happen very often!!!

My son asked me the other day why he doesn't get to play sports. I had no answer for him. Yes, there is an answer. That answer being that I am just one person and there is a ton about playing a sport that Makenzie can't handle. The weather being the most major one! I feel sorry for my kids on days like today. My kid just wants to play soccer! He knows how much fun it is as he was dragged to his big brothers practices and games for 4 seasons! I love to see my kids play sports! He saw and knows what he is missing out on. I can't give him that answer! I don't want to break his heart!

Most of the time I am a cup half FULL kind of person! The past 2 years have been hard. However, for the most part I have been able to see Gods blessings and wait patiently for his answers! Sometimes the redundancy of my life just leads to a day like today!

I am 100% ok with this! Days like today also help me gain perspective on what I do have! Who I love! Why I do what I do... over and over and over! Why because I LOVE and CARE very deeply for my family!

Makenzie is in bed, 2 of the boys are at a friends house and the other is quietly wathcing Cartoon network! ME TIME!!!! With a little time to think in peace and reflect on my day of negative thoughts and frustration I am able to bring my life back into focus.

I love snuggling with my little girl! I love to see her smile, I love that when I hold my arms out she rolls onto her side to get close to me, I love that all I have to do is make a silly face to hear a gut wrenching laugh, I love her pouty face and her new temper tantrums, I love to see my boys skate, I love to see them slide down the ramp on their butts when they fall ( its really a very funny site) I love to see them gain new Independence everyday! I JUST LOVE MY LIFE!

What I do everyday is not normal everyday for most. It is NOT easy, and sometimes I have days like today! BUT in the end.... I am HAPPY and at PEACE, continuing to trust that God has a plan! Tomorrow will NOT be a day like today because today is DONE. I am going to bed NOW!!!

Please keep praying for Makenzie! Pray that God would send his healing hand to her brain and send us new hope! Pray that he would refresh us with his presence, Pray that he will reach down and finish what man can not! PRAY!

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